31 March 2009

I-RATE updated

Movies added:
Transformers
Pursuit of Happyness
Philadelphia

I-RATE

30 March 2009

A Chart in the crowd - India vs NZ, Second test, Napier

"How many balls does Dravid need to get a 100?". A NZ supporter was showing this yesterday.

My reply: "How many overs did you need to get one person out? And how many more would you have needed to get him really out??" :P

And yes, they needed 12 men, including the umpire to send Dravid back. The Wall stood, yet again.

29 March 2009

The "Why do I Quiz?" post fever

Why do I quiz?

At least five blogs I've been to has this post. The rest of the blogs I read are not Quizzer material.. That makes it, well, quite a percentage.. Here's an insight into why people search for a reason to quiz.

* To answer the questions of two people (named Mum and Dad) on why they waste their time.
* To come up with a reason for why he/she lacks a girlfriend/boyfriend.
* To find out the real reason behind the Wikipedia obsession.
* Because of this stupid theory that there must be a reason behind everything. A destiny.. Can you believe that such goofs exist?
* Because people quiz you on that (:)) after every victory, and an answer should be ready, just in case some journo pops out of nowhere to ask this question.

And here are the top 5 reasons they mention.
* The thrill on every right answer tops the list
* The love of defeating the guy who's beat you at twenty quizzes before and seeing his expression after the quiz is done.
* Proving to your parents that it really wasn't that much of a waste of time.
* Winning money.. Any questions?
* Someone said it gets better with experience.. Like Wine...

And here comes everyone's (tee hee) favorite part of this post. My reasons. :)

To make one thing very clear, I haven't won even ONE major quiz yet. NO, I haven't. I fall under the below average category, and I lose every time. Even with star quizzers as partners. I have come as close as second, but never the first. And I am not worried.

I answer only the most obscure of questions that no one else has answered, and miss out on everything that everyone else in the room have answered. Considering the fact that people answer most of the questions, that is quite a handicap.

I expect very well researched questions from Tintin, Christie, Soccer after 1990 and the American Mafia everywhere I go. Questions that mere mortals cannot answer. And no one has asked me anything from any of these yet.

I want to win in life. At least in something. But hey, the answer's NO! And know what, my mum knows I am going to lose every time I go to a quiz. What answer will you give to the question, "Be back for dinner.. OR are you going to stay after the prelims?" I haven't figured THAT answer yet.

You ask me why I still quiz after all this?

Answer: That same Weird answer. One in twenty five. people get 20 questions out of 25 correct and go on to win the finals. They miss out on that one answer in the prelims sheet. I get only about ten right (well, not always). But I get that one answer right.

Answers like Nebuchadnezzar, Dennis tito, Aruna Sairam, Carlo Gambino, "V", F.r.i.e.n.d.s, Jon Arbuckle, Gauche, Left, 1958, Keats, Sarath Kumar(he he), Egregious..(yup, literary quizzes included). I remember each one of them. They have made my day.

The immediate acceptance from the people in that room that I, Aswin S, am a dark horse who is capable of stealing the day, and their answering in silent fear. That occasional clap from someone, that whisper of a "wow" from someone in that room, the defeated look on the quiz master's face when he was so confident no one was going to answer this... Priceless. And that will keep me going. For years to come.

Right. Those of you who were with me for these answers can post the questions as a comment. :)

Why is talk not taak?

My cousin's 4 year old kid asked me to give her dictations.

Of all the words in the world, I chose talk.

She said, "taak".

I said "talk".

She asked, "Isn't that talk(pronounced like talc)"? Why is there an 'L' unnecessarily?

I said,"L silent".

She said, "So, Why is it there?"

"Someone put it there"

"Why should we use it?"

Bowled.

28 March 2009

Punny-People & Ten reasons why I can make a good manager

Jokers are those gentle souls in the world who keep the world alive by making you laugh..by playing pranks on themselves or others, pulling someone's legs, or by employing humor in a way that it doesn't hurt anyone. These heaven-sent angels can be broadly classified into the funny majority and the pun-ny minority. And the minority, of late, are being heard and appreciated more. Is the recession affecting people's greys? Is this the Grey revolution Morpheus was telling me about during one of our technical discussions?

FYI, Morpheus is the Roman god of sleep and dreams.

I planned to ask this to one of my friends who is, for one, a funny person. Her Boyfriend works with a Shipping corp. So, I began by asking, "Is your guy at sea, as usual?" Her granny called her immediately, so she was off Gtalk. Another friend pinged to tell me how he's in testing, and all his attempts to switch to development projects have bombed. And, how he hates testing. Thanks to the global down-turn, not many other companies are hiring either.. Pretty much unconsciously, I said, "Testing times, my friend..". Looking at all his replies for the same, I prefer to call it "trying times" from now on, or something else..

I realized that, though we make people laugh, we do irritate a lot more. I also realized that I have this innate ability to make people more productive at the workplace by encouraging them to log off Gtalk. (Fire all HR managers. Hire me instead).

And why I can be a good manager:
-> Most people have a grudge on me
-> I always get my work done through others
-> I convince people that doing something I want them to do is their purpose of life
-> I never attend phone calls
-> I don't commit to anything. Everything is tentative.
-> I can talk to a person for more than an hour, yet not answer his query
-> I frame mails such that no blame can fall on me, ever
-> I also have the ability to frame others, if need be. Looking forward to testing it soon
-> I am what Calvin would have been, if he'd grown.
-> Most importantly, My manager's convinced I'll be off to do an MBA sooner or later, that I get a not-so-favorable rating and bonus at work, despite a near-flawless year. Now, I am wondering what to do! Sigh..

PS: This post falls under the research category, "paint-dry" Humor.

26 March 2009

Why do Political Parties win elections?

A political party is a political organization that seeks to attain and maintain political power within government, usually by participating in electoral campaigns. - Wikipedia

This is a sad state, Don't you think? This definition of a political party only talks about attaining Power.

I saw a recent poll on IBN site where a whooping 71 percent said YES to the question, "Are Independents doomed to fail in the General Elections?"

Why are a majority of independents losing, and political parties winning? Despite all of us knowing that the parties will not even do anything to improve the living conditions of the people?

20 March 2009

Do you have a Pet at home? Have you ever thought of Child adoption?

I recently read an article about pet adoption, how to select the breed of the dog you would want to have, how dogs and cats understand humans so much, how they jump at you when you enter the house (no, not talking about Hobbes here).. blah blah blah.

No offence meant at all. Pets are great.

But ever since I randomly wrote in an earlier post of mine as to how many human beings..children at that, would be ready to take the place of the labrador at our homes, I have quit on the idea of pets.

Also, I was at this Bungalow of a place where a friend lives, a long time back. He had a Dalmatian at home, and that day, we were talking while he was feeding it. Btw, It had a really good kennel, all (possibly imported) designer stuff.

There were a group of street kids who were looking at the swimming pool in the house through the holes in the gate. The watchman went after them, made sure he chased them for some distance, came back and said, "Therula suthara #$%$# pasanga.." (Homeless vagabonds). I told him how a Dog can enjoy so much comfort when children run around on the streets... All I got in return was, "Stop this. I don't want to hear your Human Rights thing. Can we talk about something more cheerful?" And he proceeded to talk about other stuff.

I'll never forget that incident. It's not his fault. That is exactly how the Society at large sees things.(Geez, I hope u don't see this blog da. :D)

Pets, u still say? Take a 5 year old kid in, instead. I hope you can see so many of them on the streets everyday.. Not as a 'pet', but as a brother or a sister.

You'll see how much better humans can understand you. Rather than spending so much on pets and vets, Why not give it to a fellow Human Being? Ever heard of all the things these children go through everyday? I wouldn't be surprised if they turn to criminal ways in the future, seeing even only a fraction of how the society treats them.

Gawwd, I guess I'll never understand these people and their ways...

People who immediately start with "How animals are equal to human beings and deserve the same treatment"; please.. I won't agree. Animals don't exactly feel or experience every bit of shame, the hopelessness, the everyday tears, the insults, the harassment.. can't even list all of them here.

I am not really sure if stray dogs deserve to be treated like Humans and not like they are treated on the road today.. But I am too sure that Humans don't deserve to be treated like those stray dogs...


PS: There is a major issue when it comes to picking children off the streets. Their own parents. So, the best legal option is to take orphaned children into care. When you find that children are made to beg by their parents itself / stuff like that, you still have no rights to take the child home with you. A kidnapping case against you will win. In such cases, locate the nearest child care NGO and take the child there. They'll know how to deal with it. More info can be found on the innumerable sites out there on the Internet.

Sorry for the senti. But I wanted to post this for quite some time.

19 March 2009

Why Agile sucks.. My take on Agile Software Development (ASD)

A set of best practices. That seems to be the only reasonable definition we can give for ASD.

When I first heard about Agility, it was as something that's going to increase productivity and customer satisfaction. At the end of my first 1 hour session on that, (that was, say, 8 months back?) I felt...suicidal?
Clubbing up things that successful people do as best practices is by far the silliest thing I have ever known. Now, The term Agile has been associated with every best practice known.. even those that came up before Agile did.

People around the world call it agile. I prefer to call it common sense.

While it is still better than that 'Waterfall Model' or any other crap practiced previously, (most of which were useless), I still hate this concept.

Scrum..
1. What did u do yesterday?
2. What do u plan to do today? and what about tomorrow?
3. What are the blocking issues?

Silliest. If I have a bloody blocking issue, I am going to resolve it or take the help of people who can! Why waste 30 minutes for this!

Either people out there don't trust their employees to do their work on their own and would like to play Grandpa.. Or People don't work unless they are pushed into it. I really don't get it. What is the point in pushing people to work? If they don't want to work, find someone who wants to! Sheesh.

The success of this model, or increased productivity, can clearly tell us that more people in the workplace are average, below average or unwilling to work ! Note again. This is a 'Success' = ">50% of them". Mass hiring of people without looking for talent has taken us to the point that "Common sense" has to be written down as policies.

Hey, by the way, tell me if this is true. I was laughing for one whole day after hearing this.

There is supposedly this published agile paper in some magazine... I could not see it for myself. The gist of it for u from what i heard..
**
Meetings often tend to go beyond their time limit.. Not anymore!

Ta ta da! We have Agile chairpersons!

He's going to take Super control! He's going to stop u if u cross your allotted 15 minutes. He's going to bring things back on track if any agenda shoots over the limit! He's going to ensure things get done... ON TIME!
Yes, you heard it right! A meeting that shoots past the time will be a thing of the past!
**

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Why do you wear Wristwatches to a meeting, may I ask?
Why do u need one separate guy to look at the clock.. Don't the employees have enough sense to look into their watches??

Okay Okay, now that's all for now on why Agile sucks from a Management's perspective.

We still have the employee..

If I see any employee who vouches for 'how Agile changed his worklife', I will never, and oh, NEVER trust him with my work, at least.

Coz' to me, It effectively means that he never had any common sense to begin with..

PS: This is just my opinion. If you are one of those people who would even need guidelines to brush your teeth properly.. Just ignore this post and get back to Dreamland.. No offence meant!

06 March 2009

A really curious case indeed..

Remakes aren't limited to Ghajini and Pokkiri :P

Forrest Gump, remade, slower & yes, better.. Extremely good visual effects and makeup..

In short,

Life's like a box of Chocolates. You neva know what's coming for ya! :P

For all those dumb enough not to see the similarity on screen..


I liked the Gump fellow a lot. Liked this remake too. If anyone takes a third movie again, Gosh, I'll be sleeping half way through the movie.. Yup, 3 hours again.

Anyways, if ya wanna see Forrest Gump all over again, Brad Pitt style (Wonder why he didn't get the oscar while Hanks got one for teh original ;) ), Get a load of the Curious case of Benjamin Button.

Final Verdict: Remake it may be, but still, it was a good remake, not a spoof. And you gotta applaud them for that.