19 March 2009

Why Agile sucks.. My take on Agile Software Development (ASD)

A set of best practices. That seems to be the only reasonable definition we can give for ASD.

When I first heard about Agility, it was as something that's going to increase productivity and customer satisfaction. At the end of my first 1 hour session on that, (that was, say, 8 months back?) I felt...suicidal?
Clubbing up things that successful people do as best practices is by far the silliest thing I have ever known. Now, The term Agile has been associated with every best practice known.. even those that came up before Agile did.

People around the world call it agile. I prefer to call it common sense.

While it is still better than that 'Waterfall Model' or any other crap practiced previously, (most of which were useless), I still hate this concept.

Scrum..
1. What did u do yesterday?
2. What do u plan to do today? and what about tomorrow?
3. What are the blocking issues?

Silliest. If I have a bloody blocking issue, I am going to resolve it or take the help of people who can! Why waste 30 minutes for this!

Either people out there don't trust their employees to do their work on their own and would like to play Grandpa.. Or People don't work unless they are pushed into it. I really don't get it. What is the point in pushing people to work? If they don't want to work, find someone who wants to! Sheesh.

The success of this model, or increased productivity, can clearly tell us that more people in the workplace are average, below average or unwilling to work ! Note again. This is a 'Success' = ">50% of them". Mass hiring of people without looking for talent has taken us to the point that "Common sense" has to be written down as policies.

Hey, by the way, tell me if this is true. I was laughing for one whole day after hearing this.

There is supposedly this published agile paper in some magazine... I could not see it for myself. The gist of it for u from what i heard..
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Meetings often tend to go beyond their time limit.. Not anymore!

Ta ta da! We have Agile chairpersons!

He's going to take Super control! He's going to stop u if u cross your allotted 15 minutes. He's going to bring things back on track if any agenda shoots over the limit! He's going to ensure things get done... ON TIME!
Yes, you heard it right! A meeting that shoots past the time will be a thing of the past!
**

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Why do you wear Wristwatches to a meeting, may I ask?
Why do u need one separate guy to look at the clock.. Don't the employees have enough sense to look into their watches??

Okay Okay, now that's all for now on why Agile sucks from a Management's perspective.

We still have the employee..

If I see any employee who vouches for 'how Agile changed his worklife', I will never, and oh, NEVER trust him with my work, at least.

Coz' to me, It effectively means that he never had any common sense to begin with..

PS: This is just my opinion. If you are one of those people who would even need guidelines to brush your teeth properly.. Just ignore this post and get back to Dreamland.. No offence meant!

6 comments:

  1. Hey , i think in mgmt's perspective it will be good. If u see some papers and checkout some conferences which talk about agile results seem good.
    Of course, too many meetings.

    Luckily we don't follow agile methodology. Savadichiduvaanga.... OP adika mudiyaathu ......

    Munish katha katha ya solla laam itha pathi

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  2. Agile results???

    It doesn't matter at all if we follow this model or that.

    If at all we are truly interested in doing something, we will do it perfectly well, irrespective of practices, don't u think?

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  3. Do your job! Agile is a union for software development.

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  4. I'm a programmer. I just want to start coding right away. I understand I can't just do that. But I don't need analysis paralysis, either. Where I've had it up to here is being required to take courses in top-level analysis and design when I just want to qualify as a programmer and be hired on the team as a programmer. In these courses, I am exposed to all the buzzwords without the understanding required to handle them. There are too many forms for me to know about, and I lose the forest for the trees.

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  5. A framework implies a guiding and/or a dumbing down. Throw a little philosophy in there and it's a crowd-controlling process. One tax-deductible move later it's a religion.

    I would repoint self-thinking entities everywhere to RAD-PHP for such speedy monkey-cranking turn-arounds that the whole reiterative process is on a par with any framework's supposed absence of same.

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  6. Agile = Crashing the SDLC = Software Development Project Failure

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