31 October 2011

Chess Writing

I know this is a bloody weird area for me to write on - because I am an average writer and quite an average chess player.

Meh, who cares? Catch me on Sportskeeda, writing about chess - mostly for the advanced beginners.


I am also planning to start playing the game again. Only this time, I am actually going to learn stuff.

26 October 2011

Velayutham Review - Pattaasu!

In two words, Mass Entertainer.

On seeing the trailer, I was a li'l bit scared. I was scared if this was gonna be another thirupaachi (who am I kidding? I didn't like that movie) - but no, this one was good! In fact, I was quite happy at the end of the movie. It's a must for Vijay fans and fans of the masala movie genre (yes it is one now!) - it's a decent watch for the rest.

This is an Ilayathalapathy movie and we know he is not going to be killed or anything and that the good guy will beat the hell out of the bad guys in the end. But then, the movie itself was handled quite well and there was something in the movie for A, B and C markets, and last I checked, only thalaivar movies had the guts to try that.

I was eagerly looking forward to the next scene all the time. The village sequences were funny, Santhanam was mostly brilliant, very talented people like Soori (parota guy), Pandiarajan and Sayaji Shinde had only a small role to play (Manivannan was there, wasn't he?) and do I even need to say this? Vijay was awesome. Darling Genelia was also awesome (as usual). Given this is my blog, I guess that goes without saying. It was awesome that she had a fair share of the screen time - something that's (in general) not very common in mass movies these days. Hansika's role was an example for the stereotypical heroine portrayal so that made it easy for me to compare as well. Saranya Mohan redid Mallika's Thirupachi part but thankfully, it wasn't as useless as it was in the other movie - she did have a role to play as the sister who keeps her brother from going out of the way to help people.

*Spoiler paragraph*

The story as such was cool. A superhero is created by a journalist (Genelia) to create some sort of fear in terrorists, ministerial accomplices and goons - and Vijay happens to have the same name. On reaching the city from his village, his trysts with Santhanam get him involved with some of the superhero moments. On finding his name to be Velayudham, people believe he is the superhero. He saves Genelia when she gets mixed up with the gang and she explains everything to him. "Will he stay and fight powerful people or Will he mind his own job?" forms the rest of the plot. Predictable, yes. And #wellofcourse, it ends with the 'You shouldn't wait for a hero to emerge. Everyone's a hero.' dialogue.

*End of Spoiler para*

Particularly liked the unintentional superhero storyline (Vijay - Santhanam sequences). There was a lot (a LOT) of action, a lot of comedy, less senti, less punch dialogues, only a couple of mokka comedy attempts (kenathukulla thangam type) but even that appealed to some people in the theatre so I can't complain. I guess that kind was for the kids - but decapitation and stuff don't go hand in hand with that, I think. The Assassin's creed stunt sequences were kinda cool - the guy next to me (a fan of the game, he says) said that some stunts were exactly as it was in the game. Dozens of trained thugs and terrorists were no match for a happy go lucky guy from a village - but that's the way it is in mass movies everywhere and this is no different. In one scene, Vijay just walks in and beats the hell out of some thugs in their hideout. I felt some dialogues totally did not go with the scene (hire me!) - and Vijay should do SOMETHING about those caped dresses in song sequences. Talking about songs, the songs were much better on screen than they were while listening to it, though in all, only average they qualify only as 'much better than average' (repeated listening, you see). (except the brilliant Mayam Seidhayo). Chillax was worth tapping a foot to and again, Maayam Seidhayo was without a doubt the pick of the lot (if you take out the embarrassing Chennai tour part).

Umm, what else? Yea I was so expecting some 'trademark punch line' from the movie - you know, the kind that repeats itself a few times - but that wasn't to be. Sureshot hit in cities. B and C markets would be all over the movie, what with a village resident teaching stuff to city dwellers. In all, I might sound critical of the movie because I expect superior movies from Vijay.

The Mangatha song in the tea stall was kinda nice, without taking any digs at Ajith (especially because of that). I don't want Ajith or Vijay digs in the comments section too, keeping in line with the movie's sentiment. If you insist on being an idiot, please find another blog.

So yea, how was it, you ask? Thumbs up. Yohan can't release soon enough!
(I don't really care about 3 idiots)

10 October 2011

Mythos has begun.

That's the code name for something I've started working on. For the past couple of months, I had been struggling with two book ideas. The struggle was about deciding which book to start working on.

One is a book on changing the world. Another is a book on transforming it.
One is about what we can do in the future. Another is about understanding the past.

Chetan Bhagat's R2020 seems to mildly tread (actually, stomp hard) on the 'changing world' and 'future' parts - including a character name, how about that! So, I have decided to start working on the other one. While I am thankful to CB for making my decision easier, I am not sure whether I should be happy or sad that he thought on the same lines; well, will know for sure if and after I read his book.

When you see me here after, ask me where Mythos is heading. Would help me spend more time on it.

05 October 2011

Living in the Past

I've done some totally awesome stuff in my life. Stuff that other normal kids in a middle class atmosphere don't even dream (or at times, know) about. Stuff that makes me wonder if it is possible for one guy to do all that; even with an MBA from an IIM, some of the things from my past will remain just that - the past.

I love most parts of my life. The parts where I was scarred have made me the better person I am today (I hope) - Sad that it should have come at such high costs - but personally (or in other words, selfishly), the person that I am is a sum of everything I was in my life - the good things, the bad things and the downright funny things. I think my heart's already a little weak from all the thrills of life, but what is the point in protecting it for the sixties anyway?

I have secrets only I know about. I think others have their own secrets too, though I'd imagine they'd be at a smaller scale. I've hurt other people. I've been hurt by a few people. I've helped some people. Many more have helped me - there are awesome people in my life who protect me as I take every step of my life - such awesome people many others in this world can only dream to have as family and friends.

"Would I do it all again?" - Something I've been thinking about since getting up today, and something that ended up being a very pointless blog post.

Perhaps a couple of tweaks here and there - I wouldn't hurt some people I ended up hurting,  but overall, yes. It's probably the best 25 years anyone could ever have - and I'm most grateful for that - to God (hey dude!), to my family, to my most awesome friends, to that twisted rumour called fate / destiny.

I'm almost sure God exists. I'm also almost sure destiny doesn't.

Come to think of it, my life is like that of my country (sorry about the insult, India). While infinite possibilities exist for the future of our nation, a glimmer of our glorious past can always be seen in whatever step we take from here.

Should I put up this very personal but not at all explanatory rant? Or should this just be another post that lives its life as a draft?

Thought about it for a second: Meh!

23 August 2011

Credit card chahiye?

Simple stuff to try out next time you get that irritating call:

Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Chartered.
Me: What chart?
Rep: Standard Chartered.
Me: What's that?
Rep: Bank sir.
Me: Oh Citibank? Indian Bank?
Rep: Standard Chartered, sir.
Me: Ok ok Axis Bank eh? (can go on till you are bored or till he cuts the phone)

#2 (True Story. happened 5 mins back)
Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Chartered, Sir
Me: What's it about?
Rep: Platinum Credit card Sir.
Me: Not interested.
Rep: Sir, can I just explain for a minute?
Me: Okay.
Rep: Bla bla bla bla.
Me: Doubt.
Rep: Explains
Me: Crazy Doubt 2
Rep: Explains.
Me: Accha, so why are you offering credit cards to school goers?
Rep: Sir, we have a database that says you work with IBM.
Me: No, I go to NPS Indiranagar.
*Line cut*

Rep: Good morning I'm calling from Citibank.
Me: No , no. Not interested. I'm already married. (cut)

Rep: Can I speak to you for a minute?
Me: Can you call me at 2 AM? I am free only at 2 AM every day. Okay?

Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Chartered.

The game here is to use only two responses for all conversations.
a) Why? / But Why?
b) So What?
(Strat Lead inspired)
The person with the highest usage of the above wins.

Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Charte...
Me: Tell me. How much black money do you guys hide?
Rep: Sir this is about...
Me: How much black money do you guys hide?! Talk ME!
*Line cut.*
The number of times the cust rep tries to talk before cutting the line gives his Resilience factor (RF). If a sufficient number of people do this each time he calls, his RF would go down and eventually reach zero.

Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Chartered.
Me: Chubramani? Epdi da iruka? (Subramani, How are you? - As in some old bhagyaraj movie)
Rep: hello?
Me: Paathu evalo naal agudhu. veetla elam epdi irukanga? (How are people at home? Long time no see?)

Goes on with questions like 'did you have your dinner' and 'remember 4th lane in our society where u, me, vivek, ashok, raja, rani, police, thief and all used to play cricket?'. You'll be amazed at how funny you can get.

PS: Used bank names (Citi, StanChart) are actual callers irritating me with calls regarding credit card. So yea, STOP CALLING!

16 August 2011

Jan Lok Pal ver 2.3

Fot those who have no time to read the draft but are bent on supporting the bill anyway (but WHY!), upto Chapter 3 in the draft alone, I could see these many problems. Refrained myself from adding too many opinions. Think for yourself.

(Excerpts from draft at the IAC site itself)


 ... The bill, therefore, provides that the vigilance machinery and the grievance redressal machinery also be brought under the supervisory control of an independent Lokpal.

... In accordance with all the above principles enunciated in the UNCAC, the powers of investigation and prosecution of public officials for corruption and disciplinary action for corruption against government officials are sought to be brought under an independent Lokpal authority... Other ancillary powers such as freezing of assets acquired by public servants by corrupt means are also sought to be conferred on this authority. The integrity of the authority and the anti-corruption/vigilance machinery under its control is sought to be achieved by mandating transparency in its functioning and public participation, wherever possible. The accountability of the Lokpal itself would be to the Supreme Court, which would have the authority to enquire into and order the removal of members of the Lokpal (my note: Lokpal is a committee with JUDGES. Smart card). Judicial review over the actions of the Lokpal by the High Courts under Article 226 (my note: gives opposing views 2 months to PROVE their views or stay quiet, as mentioned later) and the Supreme Court under Article 32 and 136 would further ensure the accountability of the Lokpal.

A Bill to establish an independent authority to investigate offences under the Prevention of Corruption Act, 1988 to detect corruption by expeditious investigation and to prosecute offenders and to ensure timely redressal of certain types of public grievances and to provide protection to whistleblowers.

 (e) “Act of corruption” includes -:
 (j) “Penalty” under this Act means punishment of dismissal, removal or reduction in rank
(k) “Public authority” means any authority or body or institution of self-governance established or constituted –
i) by or under the Constitution; or
ii) by or under any other law made by the Parliament, or a state legislature 8
iii) by notification issued or order made by the Government, and includes any body owned, controlled or substantially financed by the Government;

4. (1) Immediately after the commencement of this Act, the Central Government by a Notification shall establish an institution known as Lokpal, who would have administrative, financial and functional independence from the government.
 (4) The following shall not be eligible to become Chairperson or Member of Lokpal:
(a) Any person, who is not a citizen of India, or
(b) Any person, against whom charges were ever framed by any court of law for any offence involving moral turpitude, or
(5) At least four members of Lokpal shall have a legal background.
Explanation: “Legal Background” means that the person should have held a judicial office in the territory of India for at least ten years or should have been an advocate (note: NOT a judge.) in a High Court or the Supreme Court for at least fifteen years.

Functions of Lokpal:
6. The Lokpal shall have the following functions and powers
a) to exercise superintendence over the investigation of offences involving any act of corruption.
b) to give directions to the investigating officers for the purpose of proper investigation of such offences.
c) after completion of investigation in any case involving an allegation of an act of corruption, to impose punishment of dismissal, removal or reduction in rank against government servants after giving them reasonable (note: which is?) opportunities of being heard.
f) to ensure the proper prosecution of cases before a Special Court established under the Prevention of Corruption Act, 1988.  
(l) to appoint judicial officers, prosecutors and senior counsels.
(n) to attach property and assets acquired by corrupt means and to confiscate them in certain cases as provided under this Act.
p) to ensure due compliance of its orders by imposing penalties on persons failing to comply with its orders as provided under this Act.
v) to require any public authority to render any specific help required by the Lokpal.
 (x) Such other functions as may be necessary for the proper implementation of this Act.
Powers of officers under Lokpal
7. (1) The Investigating Officers of Lokpal authorized to investigate offences under the Prevention of Corruption Act 1988 shall have all the powers which are vested in a Police Officer while investigating offences under the Code of Criminal Procedure, as well as the powers conferred on the director of enforcement under the Foreign Exchange Management Act, 1999 as well as under the Prevention of Money Laundering Act, 2002.
(2) The members of Lokpal or any officer under the Lokpal while exercising any powers under the Act shall have the powers of a civil court trying a suit under the Code of Civil Procedure, 1908, and in particular, in respect of the following matters :
(a) summoning and enforcing the attendance of any person from any part of India and examining him on oath;
(b) requiring the discovery and production of any document;
(c) receiving evidence on affidavits;
(d) requisitioning any public record or copy thereof from any court or office;
(e) issuing commissions for the examination of witnesses or other documents; and
(f) any other matter which may be prescribed
(3) All members of the Lokpal and all officers of the Lokpal superior in rank to an Investigating Officer may exercise the same powers as may be exercised by such Investigating Officer. (Note: Why mention investigating officer earlier instead of mentioning ‘all lokpal are police officers with the power of a court’? in other words, play God.)
(4) A Lokpal bench may punish a public servant with imprisonment up to 6 months or with fine or both, if he fails to comply with its order for ensuring their compliance
(5) If during the course of investigation into a complaint, the Lokpal feels that continuance of a government servant in that position could adversely affect the course of investigations or that the said government servant is likely to destroy or tamper with the evidence or influence the witnesses or is likely to continue with corruption, the Lokpal may issue appropriate directions including transfer of that government servant from that position.
 (7) While investigating any offence under Prevention of Corruption Act 1988, Lokpal shall be competent to investigate any offence under any other law in the same case.
8. For the purposes of investigation of offences related to acts of corruption, the appropriate Bench of the Lokpal shall be deemed to be designated authority under Section 5 of the Indian Telegraph Act empowered to approve interception and monitoring of messages of data or voice transmitted through telephones, internet or any other medium as covered under the Indian Telegraph Act read with Information and Technology Act 2000 and as per rules and regulations made under the Indian Telegraph Act 1885.
Issue of search warrants:
(3) A warrant issued under sub-section (1) shall for all purposes, be deemed to be a warrant issued by a court under section 93 of the Code of Criminal Procedure, 1973. 

What did the poor Villains ever do to you?

I am sick of all the people cheering the movie heroes on in real life.

They get the bigger salaries, they punch other people in the movies, they get to do all kinds of things with the heroine, they get all the songs, the audience claps for their name, cheers them during stunts and punch dialogues, they get most of the screen time in the trailers and the movie itself... In addition to all this, they are also celebrated in real life.

What nonsense.

The villains do all the dirty work. They get paid less, made to wear really stupid costumes, are given very lame dialogues, made to look like brainless idiots, get punched and thrown around, can never get close to the heroine, are usually given a stupid wife, people even clap when they get beaten up! They bring all the magic to the screen (imagine action movies without villains, I say. Simply lame.), never get to travel to switzerland for songs - instead of it - are usually made to sit in one stinking dingy room in local warehouse calling it the villain's hideout, and are only remembered for getting beaten up by words or fists. Very few villains are given more than half the screen time as the hero and after doing all this, they don't have explicit fan clubs either.

Unfair world, this is. Look at Megamind, Dark Knight or even Padayappa. More movies like that, please. And please pay the villains more, God-damm-it. The better the villains are, the better the movie is.

Celebrate the villains.

GrandMaster of all Villainy
(translation: Magaamind)

27 June 2011

உயிர் எழுத்து

எண்ணத்தை விட வேகமாக கரைந்ததென் நம்பிக்கை...
என் மேல் எனக்கிருந்த நம்பிக்கை.

கடிகார நேரத்தை நிறுத்த முயன்றேன் மாதங்களுக்கு முன்னால். 
மறந்திடத் துடிக்கும் அந்நிகழ்வுகளுக்குப் பின்னால். 
இனி காலம் முன் சென்று பயனில்லை அல்லவா?

கனா கண்டு கொண்டே இருக்கிறது மனம் இன்னும், 
அது கனியாது எனத் தெரிந்தும்.
பகுத்தறிவு அதை ஒதுக்கக் கூடப் பார்த்தது; 
இறுதியில் ஒதுங்கியதோ என்னறிவே. 

மண்ணுலகில் எதுவும் செய்ய மறுக்கிறேன். மன உலகிலும்.
வாழும் நாள் முழுதும் அடைந்து கிடப்பதென்ற முடிவில், நான்.

24 June 2011

Trademark Thamizh

Some guy in Mumbai : @^(%(#&(%_*&# (translated into English as 'feels good to see another marati fellow at the workplace')
Team mate at ABG: "Really? TN? Don't tell me! You are Mallu, no?"
Random girl I tried talking to: "You? Thamizh? That too from Chennai? He he, don't pull my leg. Okay, tell me. hmmm, who is the Mayor of Chennai?" (Sigh.)
A fellow IIMB guy after 1+ years: "You're at I-top? Why? All the other mallus stay in G-Top..."

Random person (RP): "Engineering at Coimbatore? Why did you 'go' to TN and all? Didn't you try Pilani or (blah blah)?"
Me: (Two seconds of silence) "Urm... I am from TN."
RP: (many silent seconds before saying) "Oh"

At least, no one has any doubts about my nationality yet.

09 April 2011

The Jan Lok Pal

Things I like about the movement:

a) It has brought people out of their indifferent lives to at least SAY something about politics.
b) It's always better to have more people getting involved in politics.
c) Intentions to 'make the country better' are commendable.
d) Anna Hazare's determination at this age - Respect.

Things I don't like about the movement:

a) Fasting unto death: I remember the time when I was five or six and my parents refused to buy me some board game. That was the last time I threatened to fast unto death. I am amazed at the no of people who believe that it is a type of non violence. No type of suicide attempt is - and all this sets a bad example. I hope it is not followed by some crazy loon going "Hey, vote for this anti-corruptive leader or I'll die fasting"

b) I guess most people who turned up on the streets are probably literate. It would be awesome if they vote as well. Then, they wouldn't have to worry about not letting the Govt handle everything and give a share of the  ruling power to the public. Doesn't this defeat the very purpose of electing a Government? Here's a fun fact: YOU elected it. YOU decided that voting for one of the two major parties alone would "keep balance" in the state / country. Remember that when you vote in four days.

c) Whatever I like to believe, the hard fact is this - Once this ordeal is over, people will happily go back to their own lives (not saying they shouldn't). Not sure how many are going to follow up and this could end up being as misused as any other law we have. On the other hand, if it does work...even in pieces, I'd be extremely happy.

If only all these people would come out and rally against poor choice of CM/PM/President, poor quality of ration items because of illegal hoarding, high levels of corruption in each and every govt and private organisations etc etc... If only they don't accept those things as a 'way of life'...

d) "Why don't you go out and rally people for all those 'everyday' things?", you might think. That's because solutions are far more difficult for those problems and I keep thinking about them all the time. Let me know if you come up with anything... and it's silly to rally / advertise etc without any point of action.

In any case, if I go around shouting, say, "Stop bribing Traffic Cops and RTOs" or if I sit in front of a ration shop with a "Stop passing stones as rice and sand as sugar" banner, will you join me?

04 April 2011

South Park

Though I'd heard much about this series and have seen Eric Cartman's pic as the profile picture of many a people on Facebook and before that, Orkut, here's one thing I didn't know till I started watching that online.

That show is the very definition of genius.

I am just watching Season 4 now, but to take topics that most people would find offensive to even mention in public, make a show mocking (not mentioning... MOCKING) it and making people laugh at it is pure guts and genius.

And yes, I agree. Eric Cartman rules. "Screw you guys, I'm going to Mumbai."

01 April 2011

The Mobile phone

Flashback, in Eastman Colour:
Location: A Big Classroom, Coimbatore Institute of Technology
Year: 2007

A guy is bored to sleep in the last row of the class, while even in that state, he keeps messaging... The three thoughts in his head at that moment: "Damn, useless class...", "The mobile phone is the best invention of the 20th century. Wireless magic." and "(in four-pieces-style) 100 free messages per day... Not enough..."

Then, a mortein smokeless coil keeps rotating on screen (clockwise, of course (get it?)) till you are brought back to the present.

Present day:
The fan in that room is disturbed by the strong breeze coming in through the window. Even the big moving shadow of that fan on the wall doesn't distract that guy from his thoughts.

He looks at his phone in disbelief. His bank has stopped sending him the 'daily-balance-in-his-account' message. That was the last difference between his phone and an alarm clock.

His Nokia 2690... it is but an alarm clock now.

21 March 2011

Macro macro

Macro Macro, looming right
In the morning... Oh the fright!
What immortal hand or eye
Could score in that fearful quiz-ze-ry?

In what distant deeps or biz.
Lay the answers of thine quiz?
On what wings dare I aspire?
What the hell, dare C's the higher?

And what boulder & what dart,
Could you throw right at my heart?
And just when my heart began to beat...
Another quiz? Friggin' neat.

What the answer? what the chain,
In what furnace was my brain?
What the concepts? what dread graphs
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars looked down on their peers
Who watered heaven with their tears:
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the book make thee?

Macro Macro, looming right
In the morning... Oh the fright!
What immortal hand or eye
Could score in that fearful quizzery?

A variant of 'The Tiger' by William Blake.

18 March 2011

Crazy day. Really crazy day.

Ok, So I got up to news of two friends getting injured - one of them actually woke me up.

I learnt what crying from your heart means - that was the dream I was in before I woke up - and I am very sure I'll never forget that. Like ever.

I got a personal worst score in the macroeconomics test I so proudly blogged about. Gawd I am scared of it now.

I woke up once again... this time in the library with a book about movies in hand - I know. I don't remember taking that book from the shelves. Also, I went to the library twice in one day - most people don't go there even once. Got several leads on a project I am working on.

I saw a very cool movie that ended a while back, wondering about the looming macro end term in parallel and if I'd pass that subject. Just when I thought I couldn't score any less.

Heard the news that a friend of mine got placed at a different b-school, and that another one got a new job.

Laughed at myself for the thousand plus nth time for joining this college school. And oh, there are like a forty dead honey-bees in the corridor outside my door.

Like a wise man once said, 'This is the best of times, this is the worst of times'.

02 March 2011

Game Theory in Macroeconomics?

I am curious.

Today, I attended a quiz in Macroeconomics... There were ten multiple choice questions, 5 questions that required very short answers and a graph to draw. I, of course, didn't prepare one bit for the exam...as usual.

I set out like solving a Hindu Crossword. For example, there were two questions with similar options.

If A = B, then C or D
If A = 1- B, then C or D

Picked same answer for both in the sense that one of them would be right. The person who corrects it would be obviously confused... 'how could even the dunderhead-est student possibly think that both questions could have the same answer?' ...but that's game theory for them right there. I was somehow trying to get that one mark, one way or the other :)

Even when I worked out what each word in the question paper meant (big bang theory helped. seriously.) and worked out what the answer could be (in vain, of course), it took me about 30 minutes to complete everything - yet, I was the third or fourth student to leave the room.

If one didn't know anything, that's the maximum effort one could have put in the exam hall - 40 minutes (giving 10 more minutes for slow readers). On the other hand, if one knew everything, he would have left in ten minutes or so. So, leaving out the people who give up and leave immediately, the majority of the batch should have left the exam hall between 10 and 40 minutes. But they didn't. They stayed on.

Oh, I never understand these humans.

01 March 2011

Yea Ok

I truly and deeply hate it when there are a gazillion things to do to get a useless degree and you don't want to do any of them. Not one. And the best part is, no other college is any better. Some are far worse off.

Some things I don't like and MBA has:
a) PPTs (presentations)
b) Cases
c) More or less pointless assignments (I think SMBDP assignments would be useful...but I don't understand that stuff)
d) Mandatory attendances
e) Lectures after which I know I learnt nothing
f) People who like all of the above
g) People who don't trust others
h) Closed book Exams
i) Awfully high importance to placements and grades
j) There's nothing here about anything I wanted to learn. All the good stuff, I can do only outside the course hours and stuff (brilliant talks, real projects). This course is about making money. Urm, maybe I took the wrong course and have no right to blame anyone. Whatever.
k) ...and oh, add to it frikkin' lectures at 8 frikkin' AM.

Some things I like and MBA has:
a) Urm..... DC?
b) Not opening a book and still be able to lurch along.
c) Some fun people

Some things I wish MBA had:
a) Any level of focus on real issues. So much so that a prof used to kid, "If I hear anyone tell me 'but in real life', that's all..."
b) Anything that's fun to learn. No, I am not talking about movie making and stuff. Even with interesting subjects, the academic procedures around them make them hell.
c) Want to go out there, change something and say 'See, I did this.'

So people, when you ask 'hey how's college?' and I say 'yea ok', don't push it any further :)

Phoebe: What's with all this negativity?
Nitrodamus: Oh cut the crap already.

Chandler: Can this get any more boring?

26 February 2011

The Laws of Laziness

Aswin's laws of laziness consist of three metaphysical laws that form the basis for classical laziness. They describe the relationship between the forces acting on a body and its resistance to those forces.

First law - The Law of Inertia: 
Every lazy person remains in a state of rest with a uniform motion of thought, unless acted upon by an external unbalanced force, like a slap. This means that in the absence of a non-zero net force, the center of mass of a body continues to remain at rest, and the thought process moves at a constant speed, usually zero (blank thoughts) or negligible (eg. a distant, repeating-once-in-ten-seconds 'thud'ding noise).

Second law - The Laziness Quotient: 
Laziness m subject to a net force F undergoes an acceleration a that has the same direction as the force and a magnitude that is directly proportional to the force and inversely proportional to the laziness, i.e., F = ma.

This clearly shows that no force can affect the masters of laziness whose laziness quotients are beyond any force known to man. Hence the acceleration (to snap out of the lazy world and do some real work) that is developed due to the force will always be negligible. Attaining this stage is called 'Godliness' (you know, those old movies where sages keep praying to the Gods and it takes 20 years for the God to appear in front of them?)

Third law - The Law of Potential: 
"The mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies are unequal and usually opposite."

This is an extension to the third law of motion that Newton came up with centuries ago and fills in the gap that made it imperfect. He said that whenever a first body exerts a force F on a second body, the second body, if not lazy (filling the gap), exerts a force −F on the first body. F  (action) and −F (reaction) are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction.

However, in the event of one of the actors being lazy, he need not react with a force equal to -F. He ignores. He forgives. He stays... and the kinetic energy exerted upon him (F) will be converted into potential energy and be stored for future requirements as a kind of fat. This is why you hear people say, "This guy has potential. Sad he's not using it."

This law is sometimes referred to as the action-but-no-reaction law, with F called the "action" and the rarely encountered strange look on the lazy guy's face called the "reaction". The action and the reaction are usually not simultaneous and is separated by a delay proportional to the aforementioned laziness quotient..

The three laws of Aswin were first compiled by Sir "I-suck" Aswin in his work Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Athica (yet to be published. He was too lazy to find a publisher), dedicated to Athica's, the store in IIMB that understands his laziness quotient by ensuring room delivery of simple stuff like water bottles that he could anyway get by walking 100 metres from his room to the nearest water doctor.

Also, Aswin used these laws to explain and investigate the motion of many physical objects and systems. For example, he showed that these laws of laziness, combined with his own extension to Newton's law of universal gravitation (for another day, people), explains the several flaws in Kepler's laws of planetary motion... and also why Planets move like a bum, so slowly that we don't even notice it.

PS: No offence to Newton or his laws (ideally, open this in another window and compare them). Also, the 'He' used in the paragraph does not mean it is applicable to guys alone. Lazy to use he/she bla bla stuff. 

24 February 2011

IPL 3 Finals

The Location : Mumbai - Office

There I was, watching the finals, in a room full of really crazy Mumbai fans...as the solitary supporter of the Chennai Super Kings. The others were okay with all my ‘YaY’s and running around when Dhoni had hit those God-like sixes to take us into the semi-finals (whatay match!), but they weren’t going to tolerate any of that against Mumbai and/or Sachin. Strictly speaking, only a fool would shout against Sachin anywhere in India.

So then, CSK had done a really good job and there I was, sitting coolly in a corner of the room smiling just enough to irritate the others in the room. They were looking at the screen, hoping for a miracle when Pollard walked in.

55 runs in three overs with Bollinger getting ready to bowl...

I was confident, but I was slightly scared. They still had Rayudu and Pollard at the crease.  That over went for 22 runs - 4,6,2,4,0,6 – wham bham pow! The world was suddenly beginning to rotate faster than usual and there were celebrations all over the room, with people jumping all around the place going ‘Pollard! Pollard!’ I was staring at my laptop screen just so people didn’t know I was scared. Still tried to keep that smile on my face, but was nearly sure I might be crying at the end of this. Of course, we did lose in 2008 after I’d started celebrating our victory.

‘This isn’t happening’, I kept telling myself.

Albie Morkel stepped in to bowl...One of the more expensive guys in our line up. People started celebrating in Mumbai. Crazy thoughts kept running in my head. ‘20 runs off him and we’d be buried well under the ground’...‘Why did Murali have to finish his four already? Damn, damn, damn’...well, that was the general idea. While Rayudu took two deliveries to get one run, Pollard started the proceedings with a boundary.

Then came the dot ball. 

The crowd on and off the screen were still rooting for Pollard and I was hoping for another dot ball. 5 off 4 deliveries was awesome at this stage. Run out! Run out! Rayudu walked back. Pollard would have had to know magic to win it from there, but of course, people believed that he did. 

And then, he got out. 27 off the last over : No Pollard : ‘Bowling’-er stepping up : Mua ha ha !

I was walking across the room with that smug smile that usually irritated people...no jumping in joy, running around or anything that would get me beaten up. Bollinger finished it quite easily and people were still staring at the screen in disbelief.

Oh yea, baby, We had won.

PS: Wrote this long back but had not posted it anywhere for reasons I can't remember.

06 February 2011

Totalement en mer.


They show you your own emotions.
Fear, Hope, Anger, Pride, Envy and most of all, Love.
Sadistic that you're shown what you lost...
even after you'd managed to find it.

So these dreams - they make the real world
your personal hell, mostly.
Or heaven perhaps... if you ain't me.

You used to think that dreams can but help you.
Like they could tell you things in advance!
So that the hurdles won't be out of the blue
and you might, after all, stand a chance.

...but wait, you couldn't have been all that right
coz' life, with all its bloody might,
ran you down with out so much of a shrug.

Perhaps, those days, it was on some drug.

She was but the central theme
around whom the dreams revolved...
around whom your world evolved.

and then, because of your belief in fate
that love is destined to succeed,
or simply because your tongue tied itself
and fingers typed zilch when she was involved,
She was there no more.

Oh, like she even knew what was going on.
She knew zilch and would only know zilch
about your love, devotion, adoration and worship...
about your world and how she is everything to it
...its very soul.

You dream only about her these days, I gather.
Hours and hours and hours of her smiling face.
Ta vie, mon ami, elle est totalement en mer...
Totalement en mer.

Ha, but life's cruel in a crazy way, coz
You, hereafter, can only dream about her!
...and dreams, despite being your personal hell
are your only sources of respite.


05 February 2011

Status Check

Around May last year, I was kind of happy but stressed out. I wasn't the greatest writer I knew. Even that guy Tharoor wrote better, they said. I was not sure where I was heading. I thought I needed a vacation, badly. Went ahead and took one.

Six months into the vacation, I realise it's neither relieved any amount of stress nor has it lived up to the hefty price tag. The tour operators kinda hyped it up, the %@$#*s. They've even got a feedback form to be filled tomorrow where they'll know what I think of their arrangements. They're calling it 'mid-term' and I've been filling a whole lot of them for a while now... but I don't see any kind of action based on the feedback, you know.

Ah whatever. What matters is now. I can't think of a better way to spend today. Just drinkin chocolate and watchin sitcoms and movies. 

Oh, and one thing, Mr.God. I hope the world ends by April 2012... coz' I don't even want to think what lies ahead of that.

That will be all.

23 January 2011

Recent stuff

Recent stuff I heard from people that made me want to punch them in the face.

'(Oh, these urchins at the traffic signal!) why can't they find another place to beg?'

'Govt School? "He he". My son is studying in DAV. It's a very good school.'

'Things are very wrong with the world. I am going to blog about it'

(in the context of venture creation) 'Doesn't matter if it's not beneficial to the consumer. If you can fool the world into believing that they need something they don't really need, you should.'

(to a friend of mine) 'What? He died? Urm... Should I come? I can't take a day off now, dude. Critical situation at work.'
He said that he would have taken 'what difference would my presence make? he's gone anyway' as a very valid answer but this? I can only agree.

16 January 2011

WTF Australia

A few things that come to my mind ...

- KP, brilliant.
-> England would have been all out by the end of 30 odd overs, had the fielders been Irish... and seriously, Mr.Haddin, those are too many dismissals to miss in one limited overs game.
-> CA, I really think you should look for a Healy, not a Gilchrist. A Gilchrist comes once in a generation, and we already have Dhoni.
-> Bollinger would be looking forward to playing the IPL under the aforementioned Dhoni. He should be pissed off at the day's fielding setup. You need a slip fielder, you dolts, a slip! (He didn't bowl all great deliveries by the way. that scares me a bit.)
-> England should reeely have made a better deal out of all this. Shows they aren't that good at exploiting situations yet (except Kevin).

- Watto, take a bow!
- English bowling w/o Anderson & Broad looks hopeless. I think there would no difference with them, either.
- Let's see if Oz can breeze through the remaining 90 odd runs.

15 January 2011

CSK: How we doin'?

My most recent writeup on Holdingwilley...about Team CSK for IPL 4.

Link: http://www.holdingwilley.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1475

We will win, no matter what. Well, of course it will be difficult this time... MI's stronger than ever and it's not just MI we should be worried about.

What the heck, we've beaten every team out there before. We will do it again :)