26 February 2011

The Laws of Laziness

Aswin's laws of laziness consist of three metaphysical laws that form the basis for classical laziness. They describe the relationship between the forces acting on a body and its resistance to those forces.

First law - The Law of Inertia: 
Every lazy person remains in a state of rest with a uniform motion of thought, unless acted upon by an external unbalanced force, like a slap. This means that in the absence of a non-zero net force, the center of mass of a body continues to remain at rest, and the thought process moves at a constant speed, usually zero (blank thoughts) or negligible (eg. a distant, repeating-once-in-ten-seconds 'thud'ding noise).


Second law - The Laziness Quotient: 
Laziness m subject to a net force F undergoes an acceleration a that has the same direction as the force and a magnitude that is directly proportional to the force and inversely proportional to the laziness, i.e., F = ma.

This clearly shows that no force can affect the masters of laziness whose laziness quotients are beyond any force known to man. Hence the acceleration (to snap out of the lazy world and do some real work) that is developed due to the force will always be negligible. Attaining this stage is called 'Godliness' (you know, those old movies where sages keep praying to the Gods and it takes 20 years for the God to appear in front of them?)

Third law - The Law of Potential: 
"The mutual forces of action and reaction between two bodies are unequal and usually opposite."

This is an extension to the third law of motion that Newton came up with centuries ago and fills in the gap that made it imperfect. He said that whenever a first body exerts a force F on a second body, the second body, if not lazy (filling the gap), exerts a force −F on the first body. F  (action) and −F (reaction) are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction.

However, in the event of one of the actors being lazy, he need not react with a force equal to -F. He ignores. He forgives. He stays... and the kinetic energy exerted upon him (F) will be converted into potential energy and be stored for future requirements as a kind of fat. This is why you hear people say, "This guy has potential. Sad he's not using it."

This law is sometimes referred to as the action-but-no-reaction law, with F called the "action" and the rarely encountered strange look on the lazy guy's face called the "reaction". The action and the reaction are usually not simultaneous and is separated by a delay proportional to the aforementioned laziness quotient..

The three laws of Aswin were first compiled by Sir "I-suck" Aswin in his work Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Athica (yet to be published. He was too lazy to find a publisher), dedicated to Athica's, the store in IIMB that understands his laziness quotient by ensuring room delivery of simple stuff like water bottles that he could anyway get by walking 100 metres from his room to the nearest water doctor.

Also, Aswin used these laws to explain and investigate the motion of many physical objects and systems. For example, he showed that these laws of laziness, combined with his own extension to Newton's law of universal gravitation (for another day, people), explains the several flaws in Kepler's laws of planetary motion... and also why Planets move like a bum, so slowly that we don't even notice it.

PS: No offence to Newton or his laws (ideally, open this in another window and compare them). Also, the 'He' used in the paragraph does not mean it is applicable to guys alone. Lazy to use he/she bla bla stuff. 

2 comments:

  1. Thank you, Peter. :)

    A bulgarian blogger, huh? Google translate doesn't do a great job on your blog.

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