23 August 2011

Credit card chahiye?


Simple stuff to try out next time you get that irritating call:


#1
Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Chartered.
Me: What chart?
Rep: Standard Chartered.
Me: What's that?
Rep: Bank sir.
Me: Oh Citibank? Indian Bank?
Rep: Standard Chartered, sir.
Me: Ok ok Axis Bank eh? (can go on till you are bored or till he cuts the phone)

#2 (True Story. happened 5 mins back)
Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Chartered, Sir
Me: What's it about?
Rep: Platinum Credit card Sir.
Me: Not interested.
Rep: Sir, can I just explain for a minute?
Me: Okay.
Rep: Bla bla bla bla.
Me: Doubt.
Rep: Explains
Me: Crazy Doubt 2
Rep: Explains.
Me: Accha, so why are you offering credit cards to school goers?
Rep: Sir, we have a database that says you work with IBM.
Me: No, I go to NPS Indiranagar.
*Line cut*

#3
Rep: Good morning I'm calling from Citibank.
Me: No , no. Not interested. I'm already married. (cut)

#4
Rep: Can I speak to you for a minute?
Me: Can you call me at 2 AM? I am free only at 2 AM every day. Okay?

#5
Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Chartered.

The game here is to use only two responses for all conversations.
a) Why? / But Why?
b) So What?
(Strat Lead inspired)
The person with the highest usage of the above wins.

#6
Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Charte...
Me: Tell me. How much black money do you guys hide?
Rep: Sir this is about...
Me: How much black money do you guys hide?! Talk ME!
*Line cut.*
The number of times the cust rep tries to talk before cutting the line gives his Resilience factor (RF). If a sufficient number of people do this each time he calls, his RF would go down and eventually reach zero.

#7
Rep: Sir, I'm calling from Standard Chartered.
Me: Chubramani? Epdi da iruka? (Subramani, How are you? - As in some old bhagyaraj movie)
Rep: hello?
Me: Paathu evalo naal agudhu. veetla elam epdi irukanga? (How are people at home? Long time no see?)

Goes on with questions like 'did you have your dinner' and 'remember 4th lane in our society where u, me, vivek, ashok, raja, rani, police, thief and all used to play cricket?'. You'll be amazed at how funny you can get.

PS: Used bank names (Citi, StanChart) are actual callers irritating me with calls regarding credit card. So yea, STOP CALLING!

2 comments:

  1. Awesome would be an understatement. Enjoyed it so much. A 'laugh-a-sec' read :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thx so much Bidisha!

    ReplyDelete