Indian Premier League 3 - Lalit Modi and the Pakistani advertisement

All the rumour mills say the same thing. "Lalit Modi's brilliant masterstroke of threatening the franchises not to hire Pakistani players paid off. It's all the ad he needs." Could this be true, we wondered?

At first, we met a furious Afridi. "I am the man", he told us a while ago, "I single-handedly lifted the 20-20 world cup for Pakistan and these guys are insulting me and my nation!" When he asked us if 'single-handedly' was a single word, we realised he was paid for every word he said, by someone. Any guesses?

We caught up with the Chairman, Lalit Modi, at his sprawling mansion in Karachi to see if all these rumours of Ignore-Pakistan being a big advertisement held any water. "Nonsense", he dismissed it in one word, "Even the current Australian team had no takers, did you know? Now you'd say they protested against the Australian govt for the alleged racist attacks?" While we gave it a thought, he followed it up with a quieter, "My! How did I miss this one?"

Then we met this author's ex girlfriend and Punjab franchise's owner Preity at her house, to ask her the most intriguing question of the lot, "Why Kaif?" She asked the reporters to send her love to this author before saying with a smile,"We have a funny guy in our team who drops catches, irritates us to no extent and manages to get slapped by members of the opposing team before our boys could get their hands on him. Kaif is a good fielder, they say. So we plan to keep him around Appam so that he can catch every ball Appam drops." An intelligent reporter retorted, "Why wouldn't you just drop (from the team) the guy who drops catches?" Preity's reply was instant. "Where's the fun, then? Moreover, Lalitji pays us big time for every game he plays."

In another related incident, Sohail Tanvir came to our office and demanded that his interview be taken. We started with, "Well, you, along with Kamran Akmal, let Rajasthan Royals rot in hell last season. If you weren't political, you should have probably given up your citizenship for the game. Why didn't you? Weren't the Royals cheated then? They were pathetic, we say. Did they claim any compensation from you?" He said a forty 'erm...'s but is yet to answer us.


- The Fakking news team

Note: Every line in this post that precedes this line is obviously fictional. On a serious note, if there was even the slightest possibility that a player may not be able to participate in the tournament, I wouldn't pick him. Accusing a govt for this is utter idiocy. I am not sure if any Government would rather hatch a conspiracy in a sports tournament cum fashion parade, when it has poverty, terrorism, economic depressions and an Hon minister of state for external affairs to deal with. Ridiculous, yes? Boy, reality's funnier than fake news.

Avatar 3D - case filed?

Rumours galore that a case has been filed against James Cameron's Avatar in Chennai High court, by veteran South Indian actor Nasser. Our imaginary news crew hounded the actor's place to know more about this issue, and guess what we found? It wasn't just a rumour! "Is it because of the name?", we asked. Nasser had released a movie under a similar name, "Avathaaram" in 1995 with himself as the lead. "Name? Are you kidding me? This is a god damn remake and I wasn't even credited, leave alone paid!", he said. One of our reporters who saw the movie today told him there was not even one matching scene. "That is their masterstroke, but I saw through it!", he said. Looking at our bewildered faces, he explained, "They changed every scene in the movie just to stop me from filing a case. Heck, they even changed the music, but ho ho ho, they don't know what's coming at them." Our follow up question, "Does that not make it a ...er... different movie?" went unanswered.

There is another issue related to Avatar in Chennai High Court. Our Special reporter Sreevatsan reports that James Cameron is trying to create a religious divide through this movie and a case has been filed in this regard. "If you look at Jake closely, you will notice a 'naamam' on his forehead.originating from his nose", he explains."Jake is actually an Iyengar, probably with original name Jayakrishna Sudhindra Iyengar. James Cameron shortened it to Jake to get worldwide acceptance". While the South Indian Iyengars association are happy with the portrayal of a world changer as an Iyengar, secularists are angry with this. "We will all boycott the movie to show our protest in addition to filing this case.", a person who did not want to be named told us.

Avatar is a 3D movie released worldwide by James Cameron and Jon Landau. While our editorial team found it was a decent entertainer with nothing out of the ordinary (3D, was it? What was the difference apart from falling flakes and some plants closer to you than in 2D?), we find it surprising that people in Chennai have slapped two cases against the movie in such a short time. Is this becoming a trend? We asked one of the imaginary lawyers at the Chennai High Court. "You see people need cases to survive in this industry, just like you need clients in your IT. What's service industry if you have nothing to do? Competition boss, Competition." "Why shouldn't lawyers follow IT in other areas, like freeing up defect backlogs for instance? There are so many cases pending in the courts for years!", we asked. "What do we do if the case closes? You guys keep extending your dates with the client. Why shouldn't we?" Since the lawyers were bent only on comparing themselves to IT field rather than answering our queries, we decided not to proceed on that front.

More news on this info will find its way to this blog as and when we create ...oops... get to know it.

- Fakking news 24x7


(Message from the team: Extra k to differentiate ourselves from Faking news and for no other particular reason. We even fake fake, tee hee. (No reaction) Te he. (Still no reaction) He?)


Note: Everything mentioned in this post is totally fictitious. I know there are so many references to real life persons, but try taking things in a lighter sense plz. Not my intention to hurt anyone.